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On Never Moving On
I look out my window at hundreds of tiny cars as my plane descends into Denver. There are so many people in the world. I get predictably overwhelmed by this thought whenever I am at a baseball stadium,...
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R.I.P.(Rest in Polka-dots), Rain Boots.
I woke up this morning to cat vomit on the kitchen table and an overflowing toilet. After those issues were resolved, I was struck with a rare urge to continue cleaning. So I cleaned out our closet. I...
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Live each day like you’re a credit card thief.
It’s never good when someone from the bank calls to verify your debit card charges and asks if you booked a flight through Thai Airways. “Ugh,” I said from behind the two-foot mountain of paperwork in...
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You adult you
Congratulations, you adult you. You grew up. You pay bills with your own paycheck You have friends who are forty Teenagers seem like aliens You sort of understand where taxes go And for Christmas you...
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On Moving On: The Office (Part 1 in a 3-Part Series)
(Photo from Huffington Post) “It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But, no matter how you get...
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Summer, Nostalgia, and my Ongoing Rivalry with Avril Lavigne
I have a very conflicted relationship with being an adult. Some days, I am proud to have my own money and health insurance and live-in lover. Other days, I’m driving home from work and Avril Lavigne’s...
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Life Between Phone Upgrades
The Verizon store is a dizzying first stop to make after returning home from two months spent slumming it in an impoverished Indian village. I needed to replace my phone because it had broken in India....
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Dear Old Car
Dear Old Car, I’m sorry I sold you to a strange junk yard man for an offensively low price (and then immediately hit up the thrift store for fall dresses before an appropriate length of time had...
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The Downside of Being Your Own Best Friend
I have always been obsessed with friendship. When I was a kid, I would rush to my elementary school as soon as the class lists were posted a few days before school started, and eagerly scan mine for...
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In Defense of Not Climbing Volcanoes
The ten-thousand-foot volcano leered at me those first three days my friends and I spent rafting, horseback riding, and resting in the hot springs of Pucón, Chile. On our fourth and final day, we...
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J-Boetry (J-Bo Poetry)
Nothing ever happens the way I expect Once I got online to Google how to open a tube of Orajel to spread on my sore vagina But instead found out my ex-boyfriend was engaged Once I listened to a...
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My Secret Past
After I got my new (used) car last fall, I went online to sign up for State Farm insurance and was assigned to a local agent. A couple weeks later I got a postcard from that agent asking me to schedule...
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When Dreams Don’t Come True (Or: All I wanted for the 4th of July was a Book...
I had two big goals for the week of the 4th of July. The first was to buy and install a new scanner, and the second was to land a life-changing, preferably-six-figure-but-I’d-settle-for-five book deal....
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When The End of Summer No Longer Brings a New Beginning (Or: Last Week I...
Back to school season was always my favorite. I loved summer too, but by early July I’d be longing to go back like a mosquito longs for the sweetness of human blood. I’d wait for the day my class list...
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I Just Want to Write About a Tapir
I have experienced about 52 major life events in the past month that I want to tell you guys about, and I will, but right now the thought of tackling those topics is so daunting that I can’t even...
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When Co-Workers Leave
Co-workers have a way of abruptly leaving your life. It’s not like how it used to be with classmates; you knew when your time together would come to an end, and you knew it would not be a matter of...
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Why I Like Using the Word “Partner,” Even Though it Sometimes Makes People...
Several months ago I was leading group therapy, and toward the end of group all the clients decided to gang up on me with a barrage of personal questions, which is always a sticky situation for a...
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J-Bo Gets Pubslished
Dear friends and lovers, I apologize for the lack of recent posts. I have had to travel out of town the past two weekends and I work two jobs and I have an online shopping addiction that demands my...
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On Losing a Grandparent
When I woke up two Mondays ago, my Grandpa was dead. He had already slipped out of this world and I didn’t even know it yet. I was sitting in a bagel shop, about to take my boots to be repaired when I...
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I Unexpectedly Got a Week off Work, And it Was Everything I Never Knew I Needed
My work gave me three paid bereavement days following my grandpa’s death, which happened to land next to Thanksgiving and the day after (when our office is closed). I therefore got a full week off...
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